Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
