so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
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