I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
