He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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