I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
