what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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