He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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