Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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