dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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