Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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