Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Even the bartender felt bad for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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