Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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