You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
