They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
