he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Randomize
