i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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