Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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