She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
