Moan for me like Helen Keller
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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