Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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