it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize