You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
