she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I got inside last night via doggy door
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
