Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
