I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
