she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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