I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
