I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
