Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
