My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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