She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
