I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
