Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
