just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
