Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
