i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
