The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
