My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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