I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Randomize
