i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
