You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
