3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
