hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
pray to the hookup gods
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
