areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
