I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
