i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize