I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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