I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
