My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
