I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
