I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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