I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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