Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
