I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just threw up on my dentist
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize