I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
