And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
