96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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