Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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