yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
