i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
