doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
