some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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