At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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