he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
