We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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