im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
