Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
