so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My balls are so social today.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
