There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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