I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
we made out on top of his cat.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize