a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone shattered a urinal.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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