My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
