just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
