So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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