The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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