i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
