So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
