Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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