so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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