A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Soap is not a condiment
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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