This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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