Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
