Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
