So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
