Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
