there's paper in my vomit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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