is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Last time i carry you out of a forest
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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