a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
