We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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