Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
