I puked a lego.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
