she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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