he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
