I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
