I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
