i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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