i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
