At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
