we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
