my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
